So I Guess I Own a Vest


If there’s one thing I never thought I’d be, it’s a person who owns a vest. Growing up in the Texas panhandle, vests had fairly specific and unironic use cases: working at a hardware store, going to the rodeo, being a mom at Xmas. So, naturally, as I’m not particularly inclined toward any of these activities, I find myself genuinely surprised to be now in possession of a vest. Who am I? What have I become? And, what exactly do I do with this vest?

Today, I endeavored to answer all of these questions, but the first one turned out to be really hard and the second one kinda depended on answering the first. So, I settled on answering just this last question by attempting three separate outfits using my vest. “My vest.” What a strange and alien phrase. I’m glad I’m only typing it. I doubt I could speak it aloud.

Anywho, since I’m only a beginner at this whole wearing-of-vests thing, I elected to simplify the effort further by wearing the same boots with each outfit. And the same hair. And the same makeup. And no accessories. So… yeah, I kinda only switched out the dress each time. That still counts, right? C’mon, I’m learning.

How’d I do?

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