Buying Stuff & Thinking About Buying Stuff

packed closet

Not my closet, but a reasonable approximation.

You know what always sounds like a really fun time? Buying stuff. You know what’s almost better than buying stuff? Thinking about buying stuff. I can spend hours just poring over shopping sites, flash sale sites, even just plain fucking Amazon. (I love you, Prime!)

Well, that’s got to stop. I have too much stuff. No one needs this much stuff. It’s ridiculous.

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Whatcha Realizing, Jerk?

whatcharealizinjerk

Simpsons-Impaired? Link.

So, it’s been exactly a month since I (re)started my self-portraits project. I thought I’d share a few high-level observations from the experience.

Observation 1: Mirrors Are Lying Liars That Tell Lies

Prior to this project, my standard morning ritual involved at least a cursory glance in the mirror before heading out the door, but no extended dawdling. During this project, however, I’ve been spending a great deal more time consulting the mirror, who has told me things like:

“Ehh, not bad.”

“Indeed, those colors work well together.”

“You are so totally pulling this off. What an off-puller, you!”

Well, guess what: those were all horrible, horrible lies. But, it took being confronted with the photographic evidence for me to realize it. More accurate statements would have been: Actually, yes, bad. In fact, those colors work badly together and you should feel badly. The only thing you’re really pulling is my eyes… from my head… because omg the pain. I can’t necessarily blame the mirror, though. Lying is in his very nature. The fault is mine. This is a lesson I should have learned long ago from Clueless… 

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Credit Where Credit’s Due

 

Oftentimes, my dreams will roll credits at the very end. It happens all the time.

The thing is, I never, ever get an Executive Producer credit.

This pisses me off to no end.

I mean, c’mon.

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