Winner Winner Chicken Lunch

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I couldn’t think of a clever preamble to this recipe. I considered referencing Food, Inc. and the terror of chickens it instilled in me. Then, I considered a reference to the amazing Jacques Pépin, his apparent love of chicken, and the recently released Jacques Pépin: The Art of Craft from the American Masters series.

But, you know what? This is simple food. Let’s give it a simple post. Fuck it.

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Jucy (Lamb) Lucy

Lamb Burger

I’ve found it pretty easy to get stuck in a ground-meat rut on this Keto diet – it’s cheap and easy and reasonably fatty. So, the other day, I challenged myself to do something a bit more interesting and a lot more photogenic. And, it’s still super easy! Here’s my ground lamb version of the classic Jucy Lucy on a little arugula salad.

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Keto Baking is Hard

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Despite all the benefits this keto lifestyle has provided, goddammit do I miss baked goods.

So, this weekend, I tried my hand at two different baked goods – one savory, one sweet. The verdict? Maybe keto baking isn’t for me. 😦

Still, I took some pictures and thought I’d share my failure all the same.

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Brocc-iflower Soup. Get hype.

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You ever buy a bunch of vegetables thinking: “Oh, man. I’m going to eat so healthy! Vegetables are amazing and I am a person who eats them!” and then a week later you still have mounds of untouched broccoli and cauliflower in your fridge?

Well, here’s a soup you can make with that untouched broccoli and cauliflower. Hell, you might even go to the store and just pick some up – this nonsense is pretty fucking tasty. (Though all the heavy cream may have something to do with it, but, whatever: #ketolife, ya’ll.)

Here’s what you’ll need and how to put it all together…

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Frrrrriiii-ttaaa-ta!

Frittata

It’s just a word I enjoy saying, you guys. And, it’s food I enjoy eating.

I made this mushroom leek frittata the other day mostly because I was out of bacon and didn’t want to eat just eggs. Also, I had these unused, purposeless leeks and mushrooms just taking up space in the fridge. Stupid freeloading, good-for-nothing vegetables and fungi. Get a job!

Anywho, if you’ve never made a frittata before, please be advised that it is easy AF. See for yourself…

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Lah-Dee-Dah: Lavender Vanilla Whipped Mascarpone Cream

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Sometimes I want to feel like a fancy lady, living a fancy life with fancy accoutrements and a fancy penchant for using words like “accoutrements” and “penchant,” which I fancily pronounce “ah-coo-trrrrruh-mahhhh” and “pawwwn-shawwwn,” respectively.

These are momentary lapses in an otherwise average daily life. But, when I get that itch, I scratch it. It was during just such an itch that I made this surprisingly lah-dee-dah-tasting lavender vanilla whipped mascarpone cream dessert thingie.

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You Don’t Win Friends With Salad

I’ve learned many of life’s greatest lessons from The Simpsons, and chief among them is this: You don’t win friends with salad. It’s a timeless truism with a catchy beat you can dance to:

For me, these were words to live by for the better part of two decades. But, things change. To paraphrase a different Homer: yet, taught by time, my heart has learned that maybe salads aren’t the worst. “Eating keto” has challenged many of my assumptions about food and its effects on my mind and body. So much so, in fact, that I find myself asking: Do I really need friends anyway?

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I Don’t Brain Good, But I Can Food

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Last year I suffered a pretty significant head injury. The immediate side-effects were severe, but short-lived–a few weeks of drastic mood swings, sensitivity to light/stimuli, dizziness, nausea. But, the long-term side-effects, however mild by comparison, were nagging and constant: consistent, daily headaches and a foul mood. I developed a little habit of multiple-times-daily Advil consumption, sometimes taking 12 capsules or more per day. (Aside: For those who have experienced TBI, don’t worry! I only took Tylenol in the few months immediately following the injury, switching to Advil much later because my stomach didn’t tolerate Tylenol well.)

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Snack Attack: Roasted Brussels Sprouts

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Here’s a phrase I’d never thought I’d write: “Man, I could sure go for some brussels sprouts right now.”

I never had brussels sprouts growing up. They were as exotic and mysterious to me as so many other staples of the average American household –casseroles, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, meals eaten without rice… all so baffling and alien. Naturally, I made it my mission to expand my horizons by seeking out these foods. Soon, casseroles were just a potluck away, PB&Js were the perfect dorm-room snack, and, hey, of course burgers and fries are a meal, it’s right there in the name: Happy Meal. Yet, brussels sprouts never made it on my menu.

So it was for some 35 years until, last winter, Ben and I were walking through Whole Foods and I saw them: brussels sprouts still on their stalks. They looked exactly like the sleigh bells one might have to play were she stuck doing auxiliary percussion during marching season in high school band. [Not that I would know that. How would I know that?

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