You Don’t Win Friends With Salad

I’ve learned many of life’s greatest lessons from The Simpsons, and chief among them is this: You don’t win friends with salad. It’s a timeless truism with a catchy beat you can dance to:

For me, these were words to live by for the better part of two decades. But, things change. To paraphrase a different Homer: yet, taught by time, my heart has learned that maybe salads aren’t the worst. “Eating keto” has challenged many of my assumptions about food and its effects on my mind and body. So much so, in fact, that I find myself asking: Do I really need friends anyway?


Here’s a salad I made this weekend with stuff I found at the Ferry Plaza Farmers Market:


  • 1 Oz of crumbled Point Reyes Bay Blue cheese
  • 2 tsp of olive oil
  • 2 tsp of pumpkin seeds
  • .25 cup dandelion greens
  • .25 cup bloomsdale spinach
  • .50 cup sweet mixed greens
  • 1 Tbsp borage blossoms
  • 1 Tbsp arugula blossoms
  • 1 pinch of sea salt


  1. Remove blossoms from borage and arugula stems. Since I was eating everything raw, I saved the borage stems and leaves (covered in very fine bristles) for later use in a tea.
  2. Thoroughly wash and dry all greens, including blossoms. Like a weirdo, I washed each ingredient separately using the steel version of this salad spinner.
  3. Toss greens with olive oil and a pinch of sea salt in a large bowl.
  4. Sprinkle salad with crumbled blue cheese and pumpkin seeds before serving.
  5. You can also add a drizzle of balsamic vinegar if you’re so inclined, but it’s typically too sugary for keto and, personally, I wanted to taste all the individual ingredients. (Also, I couldn’t stop at four steps because four is the worst number.)

Nutritional information:

  • Calories 266
  • Total Fat 23g
    • Saturated Fat 9g
    • Monounsaturated Fat 7g
    • Polyunsaturated Fat 1g
    • Trans Fat 0g
  • Total Carbohydrate 7g
    • Dietary Fiber 2 g
    • Sugars 0 g
  • Protein 16 g

Super tasty, super fatty, reasonably low carb, but the big draw for me was the opportunity to eat flowers – borage and arugula blossoms. There’s gotta be some sort of “if I eat them, I become them” thing where, if I eat pretty things, I become a pretty thing, right? I’m fairly certain this is how science works.

But also, I was told by the seller that borage is rich in omega-3s and amino acids. They had a sign and everything:

And, who am I to question a sign? (Aside: I may do a little research. Be on the lookout for an upcoming series of food-related posts called “The Fuck Is This?”)

The most expensive part of this meal was the cheese at $7 for roughly five ounces. I spent $6.50 on the greens, and they should provide at least another three salads and a half-dozen teas.

Bonus! No friends means no sharing which means more food for me. Win, win, win.

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