The Wayback Machine – REPOST: OMG A Post About Shoe Care

To spruce up this new blog with a little content, please find below what proved to be a surprisingly popular post on my now defunct self-improvement blog which I started…oh, about this time last year. Ha…. That’s not gonna happen with this blog. No, sir. […shifty eyes…]

When I was a little girl, all I wanted to be when I grew up was 5 foot 9.

The first of many adulthood disappointments, I only grew to 5 foot 7.

To compensate for my shortfall [heyo!], I wear a lot of high-heeled shoes. As you may have read in a previous post, I really enjoy looming over others — just standing there, kinda menacingly but with no expressed malice. I am also keen on the fact that one’s shoe size remains fairly static, however one’s weight may fluctuate. In summary, shoes are awesome and we should all buy a bunch of them. Yay!

Anywho, in the dual interests of protecting my investments and making them bearable to walk in, I have assembled the following tiny arsenal of products…

Behind the cut, just a whole bunch of text that is, like, long and boring. Seriously, it’s about shoe care. How fun could I possibly make it?

SURPRISE! It’s a red panda! Look at that guy, acting all bipedal. He think’s he’s people.

Anywho, so, shoe stuff…
1 ) Frye Leather Conditioning Cream — I use this on smooth leather boots or on any stiff leather shoes that need a little softening. It makes everything feel luxe and buttery and also helps prevent drying and cracking. Most importantly, it gives me the opportunity to pretend I’m a 19th-century Cockney bootblack. [If you understand this reference, you are either Janice or another totally awesome person.]

2 ) Insolia High Heel Inserts — I never wear heels over 4 inches high unless they have a platform. I just can’t hack it, man. But, even with the platforms and the lower heels, my feet get tired. My body is just a little too hefty to be comfortably supported by a stiletto heel and an inch of ball of foot. In the interest of being able to wear my precious, precious heels even an hour longer, I have tried pretty much every shoe insert I could get my hands on, from drugstore brands to those department store petals. These are my current favorites, particularly because they’re available in different sizes. That “for sizes 6-10” nonsense is… nonsense.

3 ) 2-Way Shoe Stretchers — Sometimes I’ll like a shoe so much that even if it’s a half-size too small, I’ll buy it anyway. These shoe stretchers have allowed me to indulge this impulse with abandon. They adjust both in width and length, stretching a shoe from the toe box to the heel counter. You can actually have this done at a shoe repair shop, but I prefer 1) having some control over the degree to which they’re stretched and 2) not paying someone to do something I can do myself.

4 ) Shoe Stretch Spray [I can’t find the brand I have online, but here’s a similar one] — I use this in conjunction with the shoe stretchers to speed along the process. I also use it alone, when shoes just need a wee bit of breaking in. A couple of quick sprays before putting on your shoes for the day seems to work nicely.

5 ) Kiwi Suede & Nubuck Protector — This one’s self-explanatory, right?

6 ) Apple Rain & Stain Repellent — I actually purchased this stuff for my fancy purses, but often use it on my fancier shoes. I chose this particular item because, during my extensive and shamelessly dorky research of handbag and shoe care, the Apple brand of products always came out as the most highly recommended by those in the know — cobblers, stylists, ladies with a bunch of money. There’s a clear lesson here: Macs are better than PCs.

7 ) Dr. Scholl’s® For Her Rub Relief™Stick — I like to keep a “contingency plan bag” in my purse. In it you’ll find safety pins, hair clips, band-aids, hand sanitizer, a pack of moist towelettes (hand sanitizer does NOTHING for barbecue sauce), a mini stain eraser (did I mention barbecue sauce?), sunscreen, ibuprofen, ginger (for motion sickness), tweezers, nail clippers, dental floss, breath mints, lip balm, hand cream, mascara, mattifying powder (with mini kabuki brush), rubber bands, apparel tape and this stuff. Even with all the crap I have to take care of my shoes, sometimes they still rub me the wrong way. This stuff relieves a bit of the friction and helps prevent blisters. [Note: Maybe if I laid off the barbecue sauce, I could cut down on the contents of my contingency plan bag. Alternatively, maybe I should add barbecue sauce to my contingency plan bag.]

8 ) Dr. Scholl’s® For Her Rub Relief™ Strips — If I know there are specific spots in my shoes that consistently rub or cause discomfort, I apply a little strip of this stuff to them. These strips are inexpensive, widely available and can easily be removed from your shoes without any damage.

Now wasn’t this thrilling fascinating informative adequate? If you made it all the way through this post, I commend you. Here’s a hug: HUG.

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